Shoes: Chie Mihara
Brooch (Worn as Sweater Guard): CatRabbit
Here’s a confession: The last couple of weeks I’ve kind of felt a little bit like a failure as A Girl.
Most women I know spent blissful months planning their weddings, and I know a few unmarried others who’ve already got their imaginary nuptials nailed, right down to the table decorations.
Apparently I’m missing that gene! Prior to getting engaged my friends would joke about what a Bridezilla I would be; micro-managing table settings, flower decorations, napkin rings. But now the moment’s come I’ve discovered with astonishment that all I want to do is show up on the day in a pretty dress, and leave everything else to a professional.
At first I thought it was just that I’d recently started a new job, and didn’t have room in my head for anything else, but as time’s progressed The Sophisticate and I have got no closer to The Big Day and I’ve finally had to accept that actually the thought of planning a wedding fills me with dread.
There’s SO MANY details to think about. Location. Table decorations. The band. The staff. The food. The cake. The bonbons. Place-settings.
And look, I’ll be honest, I LOVE looking at other people’s weddings, and the care and consideration with which they’ve chosen every tiny element. I’ve been poring over wedding blogs, and reader Jess McAwesome gave me a great bundle of wedding magazines that have given me hours of entertainment. I’ve seen themed weddings, period weddings, modern weddings, casual and over-the-top weddings. It’s helped The Sophisticate and I decide on what we want.
Something outdoors (but with an indoor back-up plan).
Somewhere with a bit of history.
And most importantly: We’d both like the day to be pretty low-key
But that’s about the extent of our planning.
I must be one of the luckiest non-bridey brides around though, because last night The Sophisticate and I found our perfect wedding venue. A heritage listed house with an enormous garden and a silk-lined marquee (with chandeliers!), they’ve been doing weddings for years now and will arrange everything from the menu to the flowers to the wedding night accommodation. And even better. They’re family.
My (wonderful, wonderful!) uncle and his partner have offered us the use of their property for a price we simply couldn’t say no to, so we’re rushing the invites out and hoping that with enough notice our friends and family will be prepared to make the nine-hour trek up to join us.
And I can finally start concentrating on the important stuff: Like what dress to wear.
hey, i would love to know what that venue is, as it sounds exactly like what i would be after for my wedding. would you mind sending me a quick email if they do wedding receptions for the general public? firstname.lastname@example.org xoxo
good luck with the dress planning 😀
Hiya Donna – I’ve sent you an email 🙂
and everything will be just great 🙂 I know that!
Finger and toes crossed!
I got married in Las Vegas with Britney Spears standing behind me. Ben and I had no idea about what to expect (a bouquet, photographer, witness(!), vows all decided by the hotel) and it was a fantastic night!
Just before the wedding I wandered down to the hotel’s hair/makeup salon and the Dame Edna lookalike should have given me some warning as to how my face and hair would turn out. I ended up looking like I was waving from a float at Mardi Gras. I ran back to the room and wiped it off and got married looking like me to a wonderful man. I did have a special dress and it was pink. 🙂
The moral to the story……it’s only frosting. It’s the cake that matters.
I love your story Toni and so so true .. that is my new saying .. bit about the frosting and the cake . love it !
I too am getting married this year – flying from the UK to Sri Lanka, and am the most unbridey bride in the Universe (second time so maybe that’s an excuse). Your comment about feeling a failure as a Girl struck a chord….. My daughter even went out and bought some bridal mags to try to get me in the mood. It worked, slightly.
However, now, I have suddenly attained REAL GIRL STATUS – I have had my dress designed, and chosen my fabric and am SO EXCITED!!!!! That’s all it takes – a pretty dress – we’re all still little girls wanting to be fairy princesses at heart, no matter what our age!
I’m loving the whole floral combination you have going there. Must be warmer in the part of Australia your in cos’ its freezing here in Melbourne!
Good luck with the wedding plans 🙂
You’re definitely not a failure as A Girl. 🙂 I was surprised to find that, when the time came, I felt the same way you do. And you know what? At the end of the day, no matter who planned the wedding, my husband and I were married. And so will you and The Sophisticate. 🙂
I agree with most of the commenters here it seems. The actual wedding is a wonderful blur, but the marriage is what counts.
I would try to spend a little time figuring out what the two of you do want… sparkly old fashioned lights overhead… dancing, no dancing, amazing food, afternoon lawn sports? This could only be one or two things, that pretty dress you want might give you some clues, but that way you can hand over the planning and still get what you want. I didn’t really care what my guests ate except that it was tasty. I wanted a dressy but super mellow good time and thats what we had. Half of the big wedding stuff we didn’t even do, we didn’t plan on doing a first dance but ended up dancing together to white wedding of all things. My wedding was perfect because it was the day that I got married to my wonderful husband, not because I spent four days handcrafting some favor that no one wanted anyways.
I was exactly like you about my wedding. I picked out the dress, and everything else was arranged for me. It fit my personality to a “T”. Lillie take heart, you are a wonderful woman, and the mold was broken after you were born, there is nothing typical about you.
PS. Addressing invites suck….just thought I would tell you. HA!
Well Lilli, as a woman I would like to say that I am proud of you for not fussing too much about the wedding. Nothing wrong with letting other people doing the planning and you just enjoying everything. I was a non fussy bride too and it made things more enjoyable not to mention how happy my hubby was that I was so low key about everything and never became a bridezilla.
this is even more exciting than the engagement post, lol! Sounds like it’s going to be a wonderful wedding. I hope you’ll share pictures with us? pretty please, lol?!
I have been reading your blog for years but hardly comment, due to my laziness hehehe
But i am also interested in finding a wedding venue for myself and im pretty much like you, im not much of a detailed planner. However the setting of what you described is exactly what we are looking for.
Is your uncles place able to be booked my non family members? I would love to see it and take it into conserderation as a palce we may want to hold our wedding too 🙂
Please email me if you don’t mind? It would be of great help.
I agree, you could drive yourself insane trying to arrange all the details of a wedding day on your own. My wedding was simple and cheap and arranged by my mother and her merry band of catering friends.
A marquis in my mums lakeside backyard.
Music supplied by all my musically gifted guests (we requested they bring their instruments)
$800 worth of wine purchased on line through Dan Murphy’s
All food made by mother and her awesome team of buddies.
No tables, just standing, and later dancing, in the marquis or feeding the swans that came to visit during the afternoon.
Our mate bought all his records and a turntable and supplied all the dancin tunes, as a wedding present.
Total cost was about $2500 and it was a blast!
I’m certain you will make a beautiful bride and have a wonderfully tasteful wedding! How could you not? Good luck! Mandy xx
This looks so pretty – the cardigan/dress ratio give such an hourglass aesthetic, the block of the cardi matching the strip of the belt is really awesome and suggestive of a really classy twin-set (the way it’s sitting just off the collarbone). You look like you just walked of the set of Mad Men n_n
It has been decided. I need to indulge myself in cardigans AND I ABSOLUTELY -NEED- some sweater guards. A B S O L U T L E Y.
Congrats on your venue! all the best for a stress-free day.
Lilli, I am going to tell you something that I wish I had heard before our wedding (with marriage now at its end). Perhaps my older self telling my younger self or something.
Don’t spend too much on the wedding or the dress or the fancy table settings. Spend it on yourselves. Go overseas or do something you had always wanted to do together. (Having said that, we did not spend that much on our wedding, and we did not have a debt to pay off).
Invite only however many people you think you can sensibly greet before you get too drunk.
The best weddings end with the bride’s dress grubby with sweat patches from dancing, hair askew, lipstick smudged from pashing the groom.
Do not take each other for granted.
Stick up for each other.
Focus on the little, simple, thoughtful, everyday things, because, if one of you can’t get these right, then the bigger things have difficulty falling into place.
Be there for one another.
That is my 2 bob’s worth, Lilli, and all the very best with it. Enjoy the wedding planning and excitement, and, as you are doing, avoid buying into the whole bridezilla thing.
And make time to come and meet me for coffee, for crying out loud 🙂
Cilla, your comments are thoughtful and honest – and remind me of something I’ve heard a few times from once-married now-divorced women: Don’t have kids too soon. If you’re not keen on hearing that, try to google “I hate being a mom”. Yes, kids are awesome, delightful, wonderful experiences, but they come at a variety of costs: Time, Selflessness, Money, Stress, less “couple-focused” time, loss of self-identity, etc. etc. Identity is important for sustaining any relationship, and dynamics inevitably change when kids come around. Enjoy married life for a few (or more) long years of relaxed weekends, diaper-free mornings, and couch-cuddle time.
Actually, maybe for place settings, put some butcher paper on the table and give the guests crayons. Write their names on the paper in crayon. Delightfully juvenile, not to mention cheap.
I know how you are feeling about wedding planning, I felt exactly the same. I totally didn’t even know where to start as id never been one of those girls who dreamed of getting married since I was five. It worked out in the end though and I had an amazing day. Although I won’t ever do it again!
It’s so nice to hear someone else feels the same way! I’m getting married in November and I’ve never been a “wedding” girl. I’ve found planning quite a negative experience, particularly when you’re expected to be into flowers etc since you were 5! But that said, I cannot wait to marry my fiance and like you have found some amazing suppliers who are not part of the traditional “wedding” industry (they are out there!). I wish you good luck and happiness through your planning but most of all, your day will incredible!
I have the same feelings as you about my wedding next year. on top of that, my parents at the age of 60+ are contemplating divorce (NOW?). so, imagine my feelings.
and weddings here in Italy are a HUGE thing and is almost impossibile to go low-key. (people open mortgages to cover expenses!!!)
This is one of the most beautiful outfits I’ve seen you wear!
My husband and I had a very low key wedding. Don’t bow down to the pressure that you need to be fanatical about every detail – your wedding should be the right thing for the pair of you.
My requirements for my wedding were very similar to yours. We ended up having it at Banjo Paterson Cottage in Sydney – historical, lovely riverside location. Most important of all, the whole thing was EASY! Went to Banjos for dinner, we picked our menu, and the restaurant organised everything else. They even let us have our ceremony on their lawn at no extra cost so. I bought my wedding dress from Carla Zampatti (on sale) and had it altered. The wedding dress shops actually scared me, and it was great not having to deal with the shop assistants making me feel bad for not spending $3000+ on a wedding dress.
My advice to all brides to be – you’ll still be married on the day, regardless of whether the table settings matched your wedding dress. Have fun!!
I was relieved to read your post. I feel exactly the same way and have been wondering if there is something wrong with me. Somehow, all the planning doesn’t interest me. As much as I obsess over pretty clothes, especially princessy gowns, I have no interests in my own supposed day to be a princess. For that matter, most wedding gowns are boring me too. It’s all a blur of white.
Hey Lilli, love the confession. We actually decided after much international family pressure and a general hatred of superfluous spending that we didn’t get married at all. We are still fianced. We have a baby, no more ties needed for now…
A friend of mine has a website where she has showcased Australian weddings so that might give you some inspiration for things: http://www.weddingideasaustralia.com.au/ but the location you have sounds beautiful and having family involved from day one sounds nice.
Can’t wait to see the dress…
If you are a failure of a girl, so am I! I got engaged a year ago, and I can’t even get excited about wedding dress shopping. Terrible.
I would be very grateful if you could email me with the details of your venue as well… it sounds absolutely magical 🙂
after the wedding, none of the planning will have mattered. don’t fret about it. i did my wedding planning a week before the wedding…. got my dress then too… the only thing i spent a lot of time and forethought on was the invites, as we made them ourselves. four years later, i’m glad we hardly spent any money on the wedding itself, and put it into our house instead. the important bit is the being married part, not the wedding day.
Good for you on finding a venue you love and leaving the details up to the pros/family/friends! We got married last year and kept it uber-low key by having it at a vineyard off of a lake. Gorgeous venue, and we only invited our immediate family, keeping it super small. I, too, was not all agog about the bride thing, but once I found my idea: a cool oriental brocade done up in a 1960 double-V wiggle dress, the rest was history! Have fun with the little planning you’re doing, and most of all, enjoy the event itself!!
This is not a political blog, but I can’t help saying that I hope the Australian government moves towards inclusive Marriage Equality for same-sex couples who want to be married. It’s pretty much the only thing keeping me and my “fiance” from “The Wedding”. u_u
I actually can’t agree enough with this! A friend of mine married his partner a few years ago at the British High Commission (the partner’s English) and even THAT isn’t recognised here.
I’m a lot like you in that I want things to be low key and I more concerned with the dress than the rest of the stuff. 🙂 Btw, your outfit is an epic win!
Yay! Such a lovely post. (and love the outfit – have pinned it – hope this is ok). I remember when planning our wedding i said to a dear aunt that i had not committed to anything for the wedding – along the lines of reception, cars, all the hoo-ha that goes on. She responded by saying that i had committed to the most important part of the wedding – my man. A great approach to have – at the end of the day, it is about your marriage, not the wedding. Love your blog – have been skulking around here for ages – this post brought me out to the sunlight! xx
I just discovered your website. Love it!
I felt totally the same way about my wedding and even though I love looking at websites like Polka Dot Bride the thought of organising my own wedding was scary. I have now been engaged for 4 years and am trying to get my butt into gear and start planning. So with that in mind, I am curious about the venue you talk about in this post. It sounds lovely. Could you please send me details?
OMG!!! I just want to profess to the world that you are my new idol!!!! i love love love love love this combination!!!! so very pretty!
Oh Im inlove with this combination…all my fav colours here…the musty yellow, the dirt brown and the olive green. This is so pleasing for the eye!
I saw your photo in this gorgeous outfit in the Sunday paper a week or two ago… which has lead me here. I love your blog!!!
You look absolutely beautiful in this (is that weird given we’re strangers!?) – perfectly balanced and great colour combos. Your taste is fabulous and so many great outfits here.
You’ve inspired me to do a wardrobe cull and re-vamp. I usually like to wear pretty bright, eccentric things, and seem to always be in at least one of spots/stripes or red, but I often hold back a bit because i’m a bit tubbier. You’ve inspired me not to try and be too conservative.
Congrats and best of luck with the wedding plans – it’s a good thing not to fuss over it 🙂
It’s fun to plan for a big party, but the marriage is more important and you don’t want to start that with a huge debt to pay off!
Thanks for an awesome blog x
I love your blog! I just got engaged and am very interested in your wedding venue if you wouldn’t mind disclosing the location.
it’s all Terrara House Estate, and it’s in Nowra, NSW 🙂