Pantihose of DOOM

Patterned Tights: Voodoo Hoisery
Shoes: Wittner
I’m “on tour” (i.e. chauffeuring) with two international authors at the moment, which means that I can dress up a little without having customers ask me – with some suspicion – why I’m looking so fancypants. 
Up side means I can get some more wear out of my PLBD, down side is that I’d forgotten how much I loathe pantihose.
I’d actually planned to wear my Spanx Fishnets today but they’ve disappeared (possibly tossed due to lack of use?) so instead I had to settle for some patterned tights from Voodoo. 
I was beyond excited last winter when I discovered that both Voodoo and Kayser were doing a range of patterned stockings in a plus size. Some of them were even in colours!
I was a bit disappointed in the end though – the range was minimal, the fit was iffy, they wore out really quickly between the thighs and (my pet peeve) they constantly crept lower and lower until I was doing a Dick Van Dyke style penguin waddle. 

I usually combat this problem by wearing a second pair of knickers over the pantihose to keep them aloft, but of course I forgot today and had to excuse myself three times to surreptitiously duck into the loo and wrench the crotch up from between my knees. Noice!

16 thoughts on “Pantihose of DOOM

  1. I’ve found the best pantyhose to be those dodgy patterned ones from target/safeway. They stretch so much!

  2. Gorgeous look! Yeah I get crotch creep whenever I wear tights from Target. I don’t think they make them long enough.

  3. I think I got a pair of those last year. They hardly stretched at all around the thigh and were kind of uncomfy 🙁
    I think I’ve ditched them

  4. Oh, I laughed so hard when I read the “Dick Van Dyke penguin waddle.” I’ve been there!

    You look beautiful nevertheless. That dress is cut SO well!

  5. Honestly, I’ve all but given up on pantyhose and I pretty much just wear garter belts and stockings now. It’s a little old-fashioned, and I’m sure some people would think it’s a little risque as daily wear, but it’s SO much more comfortable. Nothing creeps down, and it’s all nice and airy “down there.” But you have to buy a pretty good garter belt for running around all day – I like the 6-strap ones from Secrets In Lace.

  6. Lucy – I shall give them a try! Thanks for the heads up!

    I didn't know there was proper terminology for my problem, Rachael. "Crotch Creep"? I love it, you made me laugh!

    Sarah – I found the looser weave ones were fine, but yeah, these had BARELY any give around the thigh. Makes my wonder whether "Plus" just meant you got that odd like panel at the waist band (You know, where you have two seams instead of one? Incidentally, I've never been clear – is that meant to go at the front, or the back?)

    Thanks, Elsiee – My own fault, I have to admit. I should've remembered that second pair of knickers!

    Thanks Kari – the dress is an absolutely beautiful fit. So pleased with it!

    Kelly & Branwyn – I tried some stay-up pantyhose a few years ago, and also a suspender belt, but I found that the belt cut in, the stockings ended up around my knees, and the stay ups didn't. I'm fascinated by the Secrets In Lace "Curvy" stockings though (i.e. made to fit wider around the thigh) so I might have to give them a whirl. Kelly, how do you find the fit of the SIL garter belt? Is their size chart right?

    Thanks for that, Siobhan – I might try wearing my Luvees over the top next time…

    Curious Rose – I'm not sure I'll be able to make it this time – we've got birthday drinks for a friend that afternoon. Next time though, definitely!

  7. I’ve never tried their Curvy styles, but I have several of their garter belts and a waist cincher, and have tried a few pair of their stockings in the past, and the size chart never failed me.

  8. I don’t I’m afraid D_H. It predates the blog. What I remember about them was that they were a bastard to get on, and that they cut in quite noticeably. It was the “tied in the middle with string” kind of effect. I’m afraid I wasn’t that impressed with them overall… You can see them at DJ’s these days though – have you dropped in to take a look? Perhaps I was just wearing the wrong size, as they seem to have a big fanbase

  9. I had to come back to report that I wore said dodgy patterned stockings from target (y’know, the $5 ones in the cardboard folding thing near the socks?) last night and didn’t have a single problem with crotch creep. The waistband actually sat up at my bust. Even though I’m 36 weeks pregnant. Next time I see them I’ll note the brand/style – I have the best luck with floral type patterns.

    I also tried on every pair of thigh highs I own and even though with the weight loss/redistribution of pregnancy means that most of them are actually thigh high/crotch high now, not a single one looked any good. Either cutting in or awkward length. They were all uncomfortable as well. Which is why I ended up trying on the actual tights even though I assumed they wouldn’t fit the bump.

    That all said, I do have short legs. Short and very wide at the thigh – almost like an equilateral triangle…

  10. Thanks Lilli re the fishnet Spanx, I will try to pop into town soon to have a peek at them. I have a lovely black knit dress that seems to actually make me look smaller, so more like a baby elephant than a full grown one. However, it just needs that little help from a friend in the guise of heavy duty control knickers, especially around the thighs.

    I bought a pair of the Target ones, which have major tummy control and then are long line lycra (like bike shorts) but I thought if the fishnet spanx were any good I’d give them a go. It’s one of those dress up or down dresses, so the fishnets would be for the dress up events.

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